I remember with great clarity the last time someone slapped me in the face. I remember it like it was, well, never. I don't know that I even know anyone who's ever actually been slapped in the face. I mean really - who does that?
During this Easter season, I think about Jesus’ life and teachings and my dappled attempts at following his example of love. One of my favorites:
You have heard it said, "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth", but I tell you, if someone slaps your right cheek, turn to him the other also."
So when I consider this teaching, I kind of think it doesn't even apply to me. But of course Jesus was not referring to a literal slap; he was referring to an offense. Even a blatant, intentional attack. I have had many occasions to learn this, and the workplace has provided the perfect classroom.
I can still recall a conflict I had with a co-worker a several years ago (let's call him Tony). I gave him requirements for a video I was producing. He worked on it for about a day, but when he delivered the video to me, it didn't meet the requirements I asked for. Not cool for either one of us. I didn't get the video I needed, and now we both would have to do extra work to go back and make it right.
Even though I was certain that I had provided Tony with the necessary information, I referred to the incident as a miscommunication when it came up in a meeting of several of our colleagues, so as not to shame him publicly for his error.
But Tony wasn't having any of that. He was intent on making sure that everyone knew it was my mistake, my error, my failing that had caused him to waste an entire day on a project. At least three times (a frequency whose significance is not lost on me), he blamed me in front of the room and made it very clear that he was angry and that I had "done it wrong."
Slap.
Stunned, I stammered my response, trying to sort out his accusations in my mind, but refusing to address them. My defenses went up high and hot, but I didn't retaliate. I said that I had a different recollection of our conversation, apologized if my communication to him lacked clarity and offered to give him more specific directions about what I was looking for.
He again expressed how annoyed he was that I had wasted an entire day of his time.
Slap.
Staggering a bit and aware that all eyes in the room were on me, I said, "I don't know what you want me to say. All I can do is offer to begin again."
The meeting broke up but it was difficult for me to get through the morning because my emotions hounded me to defend myself, to find a way to attack him back, to provide evidence in the court of my colleagues that I did not, in fact, waste several hundred dollars in productivity.
I kept thinking about all the ways in which I could prove him wrong. There were other people in the meeting where the requirements for the project were defined. I could get them to testify for me, to agree that I gave Tony the correct instructions. I could also dig up proof from my sent emails, and I could confront him with facts that he conveniently omitted.
Yet none of it would matter, because the work still wouldn't be done correctly. And I wouldn't get unslapped. I didn't really know what to do, but I was able to recognize how useless it would have been to pursue self-vindication. I would have gotten angrier, I would have looked petty in front of everyone, and I may have caused more damage to my relationship with Tony, someone I needed to be able to work with closely every day.
The only reason to attack him would be to deflect the blame and place it instead on him. Kind of the opposite of what Jesus did.
All I knew was that saying nothing and doing nothing felt like the right response for the time being. So I wrangled my belligerent bruised ego, and that's what I did. I went back to my desk, and tried to focus on my work.
Throughout the morning, three different people came to me separately to offer me their support. One of them told me she loved me. Another one told me that everyone knew I had been treated unfairly. Someone left me a chocolate.
If I had been lured into an argument during the meeting or gone around afterwards spouting off about Tony's behavior and trying to discredit him, I would not have been turning the other cheek, walking the extra mile, or offering my cloak. Jesus' objective in providing all of those examples was to show us that the principle of not insisting on fairness and not indulging in retaliation can be applied to any situation. Even to a video project at your job.
I was attacked and I didn't retaliate. I was slapped and I didn't slap back. In the end, I didn't have to. It was so much sweeter that other people validated my position for me.
There have been a few times since that day when I have remembered this lesson and applied it other situations. But there have been many more when I have failed to do so. It’s called being human.
Jesus knew what he was talking about. His message of non-violence and love is sorely needed today. Each of us can cultivate a more peaceful world by recognizing ways to live more peaceful lives. Stop, and look. You will see opportunities all around you - driving on the road, waiting in line at the grocery store, and even on your next Zoom call.
Experiment with turning your figurative cheek sometime and see what happens. Even the smallest stone creates ripples that extend beyond yourself. At the very least, you may find that you will - if only for a moment in time - bask in love and get some free chocolate.
🕊 & ❤️
Julie
Julie Scipioni is the co-author of the bestselling novel series for women, "Iris & Lily," and author of "Taking the Stairs: My Journal of Healing and Self-Discovery.” Julie’s debut solo novel, “downward facing dogs” is also now available on Amazon. For more information and to order, see Julie’s Amazon Author page.